That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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