An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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