But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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