A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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