So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
