I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
