You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
