I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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