i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
