watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You are a genius and a whore.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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