I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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