fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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