Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
