Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
