what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
