So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
