I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
