It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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