I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
