...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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