im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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