after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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