I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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