I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
