Already got asked if we're dating
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
