your parents love me but you hate me
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize