i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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