I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
