do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
