i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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