You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
