Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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