it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
