I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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