Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
