i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize