I want to walk on stilts...naked
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
