Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
