Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize