I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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