Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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