And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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