i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
