There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
