i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Text me some of your sweat
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
