Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
