some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
