You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
