She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
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but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
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Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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