dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Randomize
