how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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