no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my phone needs a breathalizer
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
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