I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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