in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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