If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
