If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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