it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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