I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
