Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
