I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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