matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
