Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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