My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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