Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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