Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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