:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
