I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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