Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
