big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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