Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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