glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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