Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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