The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
