why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
